Mmmm. This coffeeshop creates orgasms with their flecks of salted caramel. It’s crimina—wait, I know that jacket. And well! My heart spasms and a self-conscious panic sets in. No one notices. Thank God!
“Tall whipped mocha”—I mouth along—”foam latte grande, half soy, half skim.” Then, “With caramel flecks.”
That’s new.
My heart pleads for him to turn around. My mind’s desperate he doesn’t. His index finger hooks his back pocket and I smile. It’s his nervous gesture when he’s trying to seem relaxed. He’s gonna turn around! I ditch my head into my computer bag and years of our coffee dates inform when to raise it. He’s turned away and I’m relieved. And disappointed.
The scent of cedarwood hits my nose. It’s a phantom aroma of his off-brand hand lotion. Now it’s making me light-headed. The woman next to me is dying to play mother, but my curt smile warns her off.
Who’s that?!
A borderline daddy strolls in and they hug. It makes my tongue swell…how’s that possible?! The man’s hand lingers on his shoulder longer than a stranger’s would and my dizziness returns.
Breathe.
Closing my eyes helps, or maybe my prayer to God does, ’cause daddy says a quick thank you and walks out with his half-caf.
Close call.
I look back at denim, and memories return of running my fingers along the seams of those jeans on countless movie nights, and it’s intoxicating.
“Tall whipped mocha foam latte—”
“That’s me,” he interjects in that boyish and calming voice. I visualize his crooked smile as he takes his cup. He heads for the door. My stomach sinks and my heart sends him psychic screams to turn, but it fails and he’s gone.
Through the glass, ugly memories, my loneliness and the anger, I watch him walk up the street and away, and I smile. I got one more moment. I take a sip from my coffee. Tap tap.
His face is at the window and he’s smiling; he saw me the entire time. He touches the glass and a sad love pours through it. My eyes tell him I feel the same. He steps back and walks away again.
I take another sip, the salted caramel really is fantastic, and wish that was how it really ended.