Ideas exhausted, I gripped the steering wheel tighter, hoping to elicit some kind of inspiration, but all I heard was his breathing in the passenger’s seat. If only I’d had the skills of a poet.

We both reluctantly turned to each other.  He had that exhausted, ‘How many more ways can I disappoint you’ look on his face. God, I hate when he does that, makes me out to be the bad guy.

Then I remembered The Loop Cats were playing at Roadhouse and thought mentioning it might—no, it wouldn’t. That bait failed the last two times.

He brushed his pant leg. I know he’s itching to just escape and I start feeling resentment at feeling like I’m begging.

The gods above hear me and it starts to drizzle. It’s bought me a minute more and all I want is to be sitting on the floor, playing PS4 and drinking Old Milwaukees like we used to, when we were both happy and while doing nothing, dreamt we could do anything.

I looked up at him with that hopefulness and opened my mouth to say, ‘You choose. Anywhere!’ and could read in his eyes he was ready to say, ‘Here.’

He let our gaze linger and his expression made the universal, ‘I’m sorry,’ then he reached for the door. I closed my eyes and pleaded, begged, desperate to find anything to resonate and reach him.

“Please…don’t.” I whimpered with all my love.

His door latch clicked and the leather creaked as he rose from the seat. The door opened with its telltale groan and over the light rain hitting my hood I heard him say,  ‘I love you.’

My heart broke when he shut the door. It made such a definitive thud. Mindlessly, I started the car and could feel the tears coming. But I held them back and looked up into the dark rain. Devastated, again and feeling like a failure, I let the car lurch away.

The last thing I saw in the side mirror was a shadowy figure step into the light and the two of their hands make the exchange. The hooded figure retreated back into the dark and my brother walked off towards a darkness of his own.